Decentering Work & Rediscovering Self-Worth
I've been gone for a while but I'm starting up this writing practice again in an effort to get rid of my perfectionism. Let's reconnect.
Most of this post was written in November 2023 and finished in August 2024. My apologies for the late entry, but life happened and now I’m picking up the pen again!
Hey there.
Unless you happen to be one of my family members that is reading this, I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t remember me. It’s been a while. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so I’m going to quickly make my best attempt at jogging your memory.
You probably subscribed with Adia Dixon Interiors, or with my previous brand iterations that came before that. You may have joined this mailing list when I was consulting and offering a free download (or two, or three), or paid courses that centered around goal setting, productivity, and reaching your goals, or even earlier, when my brand was a nebulous representation of my inner motivations and thoughts.
Since then, I’ve gotten a little further in my career. I was learning a lot as an interior designer and quickly moving towards goals that felt so very much within my reach. I started as an interior sales representative for a construction product distributor, but very soon took on a leadership role, managing my own projects and helping to build the sales team as well as developing the showroom operations. When I felt like I’d hit a bit of a dead end in the construction sales industry, I moved on to work for a local interior design firm. I worked on high-end residential projects and was finally doing the work that I’d envisioned during my years in college.
It was a pretty promising role that was incredibly fast-paced and at a well-respected company. I managed residential design and construction projects during the day, and in my free time, I built online communities for Black gamers to grow and connect on Discord, a messaging platform built for gamers and clubs. I developed strong friendships with so many people across the U.S., some of whom are some of my best friends today.
Then, in the past month within writing this, I got laid off from my job without any warning.
It happens, it happens to people. Most of me just wants to move on, realize that things like this happen to everyone, everywhere, and to continue to push forward and look for the next opportunity. And I have. I’ve been able to work on my resume and update my portfolio and my profiles on the professional networking sites. But there is a part of me that is still really bothered.
I know that I was a good worker, a fast learner, and technically capable at all of the physical aspects of that job. I put in a LOT of effort into being present and showing up and commuted a LONG way to work each day. I went out of my way to get to know my colleagues and managers and worked well with all of my teams. I went above and beyond to make clients happy and to keep projects moving forward. I came in early, I stayed late, I went to all of the extracurricular networking events to impress my managers. But in the end, it was situations beyond my control that totally changed my lifestyle.
I am not someone who gets bothered… adjusting and pivoting has always been my strength. Being adaptable and taking challenges head on has been something that I’ve excelled at. But, if I’m completely honest, a setback like this really took a toll on my self-worth.
Sitting un-busy for a whole month allowed me to fully grasp that this is my honest understanding of where I am right now. My self-worth was very low, and I felt like I was no longer valuable.
What I learned is that I was putting a lot of weight into what being a good worker or good designer meant to other people, even at the expense of my family or personal relationships. I also felt really good when I could be helpful or useful, and felt bad when it seemed like there was nothing for me to do. And I also learned that I have a lot of people-pleasing and perfectionist habits that really weren’t serving me or my mental health well.
8 months later…
Fast forward to August 2024, I’ve gotten a new job and I’m working through a lot of my traumas in regard to performance and perfectionism and people-pleasing. I’ve slowly started to decenter work, allow more room for my hobbies and my family, and deal with some of the inner issues that were fighting against my self-worth.
My big goal is to have a life that is full of ease and less stress. I’m not sure how that will come to fruition, but I am working on it every day. I’m much less concerned with how I’m perceived and more concerned with making sure each day is a lot more balanced. By writing through this transition, I hope to find and share additional gems I stumble on along my way.
How does Substack come in?
What brought me to Substack is the opportunity to build community in a vibrant platform where people are reading, rather than scrolling, connecting rather than just commenting or reacting. There are so many beautiful writers here sharing their stories on so many different subjects and topics and I hope to learn from all of you.
This will be an exercise in learning to trust myself again, but also a chance for me to keep putting out art and to express myself in the medium I know so well. My inner musings can be shared with all of you, who I know go through similar experiences or who think about similar ideas.
What to expect from Stepping Inside
Stepping Inside is a recurring newsletter, one filled to the brim with reflections as I start to navigate the new mind space I am in. I will be sharing the realities of growing into adulthood and, trying to keep the house—and everything else in my life—in order while rejecting perfectionism.
Subscribe to come along this journey with me, we’ll build something great together.
Can’t wait to see you here,
Adia